Jesse

It's been a while since I last posted, and I finally feel like I'm ready to start blogging again! I think I jut needed to put our big decision behind us and wait until it was final. And so...

After much thought and prayer it is now official. We will not be adding to our family again at this time. As most of you probably know, baby number four turned out to be baby number four and five. Twins. A little boy and a little girl. We both really wanted to adopt them, but mostly we both wanted to understand what God wanted. And in the end we didn't receive any affirmation at all, and really quite the opposite. We began to see and understand more and more that for who we are and where we are at, it would not be in anyone's best interest. The beautiful thing about it, is we came to the decision quite separately but around the same time, so we are both on the same page, which is such a blessing in itself. Please continue to pray with us though that God would put them with a wonderful family. Some times in my life, when I've had to let things go and "let God" I have taken them back and struggled with trusting Him. Not this time. He has completely protected my heart and I have let them go and trust God with all of my heart and just know confidently that he will take care of them and believe their story will be beautiful regardless of where they end up.


Now on to Jesse, my baby is 4!

Jesse Lee-"God's Gracious Gift" born May 9th 2006


God's Little Child

Oh, Little child, your life was planned.
Right from the start from the Father's hand,
He fashioned your frame in ways so grand,
And loves you in ways you don't understand.

And as you grow, may you always know
The Lord is there wherever you go.
We promise to love you thro' all your days and hours,
But never forget, His love is far greater than ours.

Our Father's Son, He freely gave
And all who believe, He surely will save.
Oh, little child, we're all adopted at so great a price,
But as God's little boy, you're adopted twice.


(the poem in his announcement card)



(the first time we met him)

Almost three years ago now, we went to meet our little boy. The cutest little thing I had ever seen in my life. I instantly fell in love. He has the most beautiful smile EVER. And he may be tiny but he has endless amounts of energy. He's a climber and can kick a soccer ball like none other. He's stubborn. He's affectionate. He's sweet. His attention span is short, but he can play all by himself for long periods of time.





-although he does prefer to play with his sister.




awww! If only they always loved each other this much!


It was so cute to watch him open his presents. He pulled his beloved Buzz Light Year out of the gift bag, his mouth wide open and yelled "BUZZ!" in astonishment. The neat thing was, he immediately handed it to Brooklyn and said, "here you can hold him!" Now obviously that is not how things always play out, but it is so sweet and precious when it does happen,

top 10 things Jesse loves

10. Candy
9. Church
8. School
7. Candy
6. Television
5. His new Bike
4.Braedon
3. Brooklyn
2. Anything remotely silly
1. Candy


We've been having a little problem with "candy" lately. He has discovered he loves it so much, he's been stealing it before any one else is up in the morning. He has no idea yet how to be sneaky about it and leaves the evidence all over the place. (One day all three of them were chewing away like mad and were quite surprised to realize they'd been busted with stealing a whole pack of gum out of my purse- they told daddy I gave it to them, and he fell for it!) We tried to put it up really high but forgot some so the next morning.... he did it again. I think we had 4 or 5 episodes in a row. If anyone has any good suggestions on how to deal with this let me know.




...And it finally happened for the little guy, after a year (or more) of trying everything, he is now pooping on the potty every time!! My solution? (Still grateful for the suggestion) You poop... you clean it! And let me tell you, that pretty much worked right away! He hated it! "eww this is gross!"
and I'd say "Yup, it is, isn't it? That's why I'm not doing it any more!" I know it sounds mean, but I was willing to try anything!




I just love the little guy so much, and wouldn't have wanted to spend Mother's Day any other way than to celebrate Jesse's 4th Birthday! Mommy and Daddy love you Jesse! You have blessed our lives more than you'll ever know!

Brooklyn Grace-"Water or Stream" born Nov.5 2007

We have waited so long
for this child of choice.
Bless us
with an abundance of your love
that we may be good parents,
that we may create a home of blessing,
that we may encourage this child
to the fulness of her potential,
Bless our child, O God.
Give her security in our family,
the joy of laughter in our home,
and the courage to face
the challenges ahead.
Let our child know the love
we feel so deeply for her,
and let this love be a strength
to confront the opportunities of life.
Amen
V.C. Anderson


(the poem in her announcement card)

Oh how we LOVE our Brooklyn! She's our handful. She was born with a mind of her own. She came to us already with an attitude and a strong personality at (almost) nine months of age. She cracks us up and makes us laugh all the time. She is so independent and yet at the same time she SO wants to be like her big brother and do everything he does. She has such a sweet side too. The other day I hit my head and as a goose egg was developing on my forehead and I was sitting on the floor recovering, she kept saying "Happened mom? happened?" and kept kissing my head over and over saying, "s'okay, s'okay mom!" I couldn't imagine my life without her. I keep reminding myself that a strong will, will be a good thing, probably even an asset as she gets older as she won't be a follower and will stick to her guns. In the meantime we keep praying for wisdom as to how to raise her, and harness that spirit without breaking her will. So often we find that if we are creative and find a way to let her think something is her idea she's all for it, otherwise forget it! She is in two weddings next year, and even to measure her for the dress was a night mare. So much so, I put it off for weeks. Then all of a sudden, I thought, "Hey! what if I pretend to measure Jesse first!" Sure enough, then she demanded I measure her too! Anyways I've warned both brides not to expect too much, she is just too unpredictable. Either way we'll just have fun with it.




It was so much fun to celebrate her on her birthday and to be reminded what a precious gift she is.




Brooklyn insisting on wearing my earplugs!

Her favorite song is "twinkle twinkle little star" and loves to do the actions and sing at the top of her lungs over and over and over again. She just can't get enough. "gain mom? gain?" I have to get it on video soon, before she moves on to something else.
"gain mom? gain?"






Believe it or not, this is her camera smile! What a clown!!



It takes us a lot longer to get down the stairs these days... if she sees you, she insists on kissing you between every spindle! Sometimes if I'm in a hurry I find myself distracting her so I can run down for a minute!


To the tune of "Oh how I love Jesus"
(I sing this to her at least once a day)

Oh how I love Brooklyn
Oh how I love Brooklyn
Oh how I love Brooklyn
She is God's gift to me!!!!!!

AMEN!

Braedon- "A broad HILL" ~ Born: October 28 2008

Psalm 121

I look up to the HILLS; does my strength come from mountains?
No, my strength comes from God,
who made heaven, and earth, and mountains.

He won't let you stumble,
your guardian God won't fall asleep.
Not on your life! Israels'
Guardian will never doze or sleep.

God's your Guardian,
right at your side to protect you-
Shielding you from sunstroke,
sheltering you from moonstroke.

God guards you from every evil,
he guards your very life.
He guards you when you leave and when you return,
he guards you now, he guards you always.

(We used this passage for his announcement card- this version is from 'The Message')





The cake shots of course







A life to celebrate!!

A one year old child is so many things
A tiny discoverer of butterfly wings,
A hugger of Teddies,
A sweet sleepyhead,
And someone to dream for in bright years ahead...







What joy this little treasure has already brought into our world. We love him SO much!! He is just so happy to be alive. My first real cuddler. My sweet sweet boy. I swear I kiss him 50 times a day, I can't help myself, his bright cheery cheeks just call out for it. Kiss me! Kiss me! Kiss me!! I couldn't imagine our family without him, He's my easy one, content as can be, a daddy's boy! Although so was Jesse at first, so that can change. We just discovered that although he doesn't often play shy, he doesn't like men with baseball caps, they make him cry! Eight months ago, we were finally able to bring him home and how exciting that day was after waiting for legal 'stuff' for four months. We were blessed to be able to meet him at three weeks already and spend a lot of time with him during that waiting time, thanks to some truly wonderful foster parents. This is very rare in the public foster system, so we've been able to see God's blessing and hand in things over and over again throughout his short life already.

Thank you God for Braedon! We love you special boy!










And thank you Uncle Jay and Aunt Linda, Owen, Zach, Noah and Logan for celebrating him with us!!!

Babysitting, Barney, Bedtime & Bookwork!

Psalm 118:24
This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!



I was sharing with a friend the other day how God has had to remind me time and time again throughout my life to "Slow down! Stop looking so far ahead into the future that you are unable to enjoy what I have for you TODAY! I made TODAY! It's a gift for you! I want to bless you TODAY! Don't miss out on it! Well, he's been reminding me again, "Don't worry about it, leave the future with me! Appreciate today!"

Some days it's hard to do that, but not today. Today was a good day! We had a fairly relaxing day actually. Titus did some 'pro bono' work and I did a little kid sitting today. (Just Noah and he is super easy, he's quiet and mostly stays under the radar.) Most of the morning these 2 got on quite well.


Cousins ~ Noah is just a few weeks older than Brook





Jesse was gone to school most of the morning...





and then Aunt Linda came back to pick up Noah and stayed for lunch.





Poor Logan, "A baby mom!!" *poke*, *prod* But apparently that's nothing compared to what he gets from Noah.




Noah, Zach and Jesse watching Barney



When everyone was up from naps this afternoon, the whole family headed to the gym. For me that means a good work out, a 20 minute down-time in the sauna and a nice hot shower. No one is banging on the door, running away with my towel, or pulling on the shower curtains.... quite heavenly actually!


Bedtime!


Reading to Billy




Braedon will be turning one next week, he's starting to take little steps already!



Brook showing me how she can climb out of her crib now, *sigh* so far she waits until I get there, but obviously I better start seriously thinking about putting up the toddler bed





Well tonight I get to do officework! (But I'm procastinating and adding a new post instead.) I don't normally like doing paperwork at night, usually I'm just too tired for my brain to function right. But Titus is leading a small group tonight at the church so I may as well do something that needs to get done anyways.



These are the receipts I've worked through so far... So to it I again I go!

A day in the life...

I figured I should add another post, maybe something a little lighter this time? Titus had to work today so it was just me and the kids again, we're getting used to it, when Daddy has work we don't see too much of him. (He always surfaces to cook meals though! :) There are many pros and cons to being self-employed but we sure love having him home, we see a lot more of him than we would if he was working for an advertising company. When we were first married he made the trek into Toronto every day, which meant he left at 7a.m. and wasn't home until after 7p.m. Now he's freelancing, which means we're very grateful for the work, especially in this slow economy. The upside is, in between jobs we get to spend a lot of time with him!



Braedon caught red-handed, now I know who's responsible for all the blow fishes on my windows!!! :P


I shouldn't actually say that we spent the day alone, we had some friends come to visit this afternoon. My friend Leah is pretty good with the camera and was willing to try to get a family pic for Christmas cards. I know it's early, but we had pictures taken of the kids earlier in the year, and it took 3 attempts (and by that I mean 3 different dates with 2 different professional photographers ) before we even had 1 usable picture of the 3 kids together!





Let's just say Leah is a patient woman!
There were MANY MANY more like these, but we did get a few good ones too! You'll see a good one when your Christmas card comes in December...


Anyways Jon and Leah stayed for dinner, along with Andrea and baby Joshua.
After dinner Titus went back to work and the rest of us played some games... love games...




Til next time then...

Well let's get started....

Well, I've never Blogged before, but I figure now is as good a time as any to start. I love to journal, and I figure this is a good way to process and reflect on all the 'going ons' in my life. So here's my life in a nutshell. My life has changed dramatically in the last 5 years. I was single and living on my own for 8 years until I married my wonderful husband Titus .

After 2 years of trying to get pregnant, we decided to look into adoption, and 2 years ago August we adopted Jesse at 14 months of age. A year later we adopted his sibling Brooklyn at almost 9 months, and 7 months later we added to our family again with our sweet little Braedon, who was almost 4 months old.
So our house is busy to say the least. Jesse started pre-school 2 mornings a week a few weeks back and is loving it. Brooklyn loves it too I think. a few hours a week she can play without worrying about her big brother stealing her toys or bossing her around. ;)



Jesse's first day of Preschool


It's been almost 7 months since Braedon came to join us, and guess what? Turns out we have a big decision to make again! We found out recently that in December a new sibling for our kids will be arriving into the world. My first response? I started crying! I couldn't believe it. I couldn't even wrap my head around it. I couldn't imagine saying 'yes' to another child at this point and couldn't imagine saying 'no'. Either decision filled me with guilt. My "mommy heart" was breaking. We're already so busy! 4 under 4? How insane would that be?

So to prayer we went, and called in back up. We immediately asked our close friends and prayer group to start praying. Mostly I needed God's peace. And God is so good! Before I knew it my anxiety was gone, replaced with a sure knowledge that my 'Father' had it all under control. He has the future already planned... for all of us, we just need to find out what it is and get on board.


God has gently reminded me, THIS BABY IS NOT A MISTAKE! God created this life with his very own hands. Every day this child grows under his watchful loving eyes. He loves this babe so much he was willing to die for him/her. He has a plan!

Psalm 139 :13-16 NLT
"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother's womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
your workmanship is marvelous-how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed."

Already in this short amount of time, after just a short few days, I know my emotions are not to be trusted. I already love this child as my own, how could I not? S/he's a sibling to my babies. But is this the best decision for us? For this family? For this baby? How much is too much? Or how many is too many? Could God actually be asking this from us?
I can think of a hundred reasons why it's not a good idea. And some people have been very quick to point them out ( So I know we'll be facing some opposition if we decide to go ahead with this)

The What ifs? To name just a few

What if we can't do it financially?
What if we don't have the energy?
What if family and friend's don't support us?
What if the stress is too much?
What if something were to happen to either one of us?
What if this is not the last baby?
What if this baby is not healthy?
What if.... What if.... What if.....


But then I realized something else, really the ONLY 'what if' that matters is if we are walking outside of God's will! I know from experience (and how many examples in the Bible) that living outside his plans is just a recipe for disaster and it's painful. Regardless of who you are or what decision you're making or where you are in your life.

JEREMIAH 29:11-13
"For I know the plans I have for you,' says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me."

And so I've told Titus, he would have to decide what is best for us as I am already too emotionally involved and am afraid at this point that I couldn't hear God's leading. At this point I would say 'yes'.
I will not try to persuade his decision in any way. The way I look at it, if he at this stage in his life, (he just turned 50) feels God lay this on his heart, that will take a miracle in itself. And if it is God's will he will provide all our needs.

PHILIPPIANS 4:19
" And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus."

If he decides adding to our family is not in the plan, then God has a different life and family waiting. We both need to be excited about this or it's not in the books for us. I trust Titus and I trust my God to lay it on his heart, and he will if that's his plan. And God is trustworthy.

PROVERBS 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take."


So please pray with us as we seek God's guidance. My friend Gail suggested we host a prayer night with friends and family to seek God's will together. We both think that would be wonderful. Everyone is invited! We'll let you know when. In the meantime please pray with us if you have a heart of prayer or have a heart for intercession or just live to far away.


please pray
1. for the health of this wee wee one regardless of what family s/he will join
2. for Crystal (the biological mother) for her physical health as well
3. for Crystal's spiritual health- that God would work a miracle in her life and set her free from her addictions.
4. for unity between Titus and I
5. for a clear picture of the future God has dreamed up for us
6. that we both would be able to hear God's leading
7. for God's peace and protection in this home and marriage
8. anything else God lays on your heart!

MATTHEW 18:20
" For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them"

My babies

So tell me what you think about your life. It's been a lot of ups and down so far for me. Overall, I see life as a gift and God has been graciously been so good to me.